When I was 26 years old I had been married for eight years and I had two young daughters, a five year old and a three year old. I was working at a sports bar as a server at night for extra money which I used for food primarily or sundries for the kids. I would on occasion have the opportunity to have a meal out with my family, and one afternoon I was at the local Denny’s after a day at the beach when I had an epiphany. I was studying my menu when the server came by to take our drink order. I took a good hard look at her and realized that if I didn’t make a concrete change in my life I would end up being a food server at Denny’s at 60 years old. That future seemed unacceptable to me. I wanted more for myself and my children.
Being a food server is a hard job, for poor pay. High end restaurant servers can do quite well; some make up to $85,000 per year. There are certain types of establishments where young women can do quite well, for example sports bars. When I was a server I was a pretty young woman who was also on the dorky side. The male customers would on occasion ask me to “take off my glasses” to give you an idea. To be honest I didn’t make the connection between my sex appeal and my money making opportunity, I wasn’t a very good food server, and when it was suggested that I “use my natural gifts” to bring in more customers and earn more money, I simply didn’t understand what my male boss was referring to. Know this, if you are earning a good wage in a low skill job there is a price you pay. It could be tolerating degrading behavior from patrons, or if you are working in a blue collar industry your body will pay eventually with back aches, hearing loss, or ruined joints. The trade off may work for you, or it may not, that’s up to you to decide.
Regardless of my potential as a young food server, I knew that I needed to focus on a career that would allow me to earn more money consistently and help provide financial stability for my family. I thought about what I wanted and decided a career in hospitality would suit me well. After a bit of research I learned that hospitality had more females in leadership roles than other industries. I knew I could get discounts on accommodations when traveling, something that was a priority for my future, and in my area there were many hotels and an international airport, so I thought I could get a job.
After my epiphany and the little research I did, I decided to enroll at the local community college. For several years I continued to raise my daughters during the day, work at the sports bar some evenings during the week and week end and take night school courses. With this effort I was able to secure a position at a hotel and was quickly promoted to management.
So it was that I fell into a career versus finding a career that made my heart sing. I worked in hospitality for over twenty years.
When Covid-19 happened, I began an anxiety spiral. I’m sure I’m not alone. I was fortunate in that I was able to work from home, but when the time came to go back into the office, I felt anxiety and another emotion, resentment.
When you become accustomed to your work life, change can be difficult. I spent a year adjusting to a new way of working, and I preferred it. Working from home allowed me time to enjoy lunch daily with my spouse. I no longer had to commute an hour and a half daily, which allowed for yoga with my spouse and frequent neighborhood walks. I could get dressed in sweats versus a dress. I didn’t wear shoes for a year.
The call back to the office, when it came brought with it unexpected stress. The commute was draining, and seemed unnecessary. It not only took my precious time it cost money in gas and wear and tear on my car so that I could do the same work I was doing from home.
Over the time I was away from the office the homeless problem in my area grew. Driving past vast homeless encampments made me sad and upset for the people who were living this way. I felt angry that we let it get so bad and that we as a society decided it was okay for people to overdose in a tent on the sidewalk or under a bridge. That’s not to say I have any solutions, I am as much to blame as the rest of us through my own inaction.
Working in an office came with noise, interruptions, and profound loneliness. Even though there were plenty of people at the hotel where I worked, most of my immediate colleagues had been let go due to the diminished business levels in 2020 and 2021. I had four directors in my office but no other managers were working with me. The transition was difficult and the directors couldn’t understand because they didn’t work from home during the covid-19 lockdowns. They didn’t understand how hard it was to go back to the office. They didn’t understand that I had become accustomed to a delightful intimate daily relationship with my spouse that was changed. I no longer had access to the person who I could share my inane feelings and ideas with at any moment.
Ultimately I determined I needed to leave my position because it no longer served me, even if it meant losing my income.
When you consider how you want to work, what makes your heart sing, do you think that you are well aligned with that heart song? Many of us fall into our careers, for example you are young and you start out working at the local grocery store, twenty years later you are a department manager and you never considered how that will serve you, it just happened. Perhaps you got into construction, now at forty or fifty years old, your knees are shot, and your hearing is going, what choice do you have but to carry on.
Maybe your parents were architects, doctors, lawyers or coalminers and you followed in their footsteps.
When I was in Egypt in 2018 I was chatting with an archeologist who was on a dig in the Valley of the Kings. As a young girl my fourth grade teacher read to us about the discovery of King Tuts tomb and my imagination was sparked. I dreamed of becoming an archeologist for years, and I thought this man was living the life! When I mentioned this to him he seemed less enthusiastic. I was surprised, but I also understand. We select careers when we are young, because we have to. We have to earn a living. Our families have expectations. But when we become mid life adults what seemed fun and exciting as a young person can seem less interesting when we stop learning new skills, or when we become cynical about the work or organization we work with. Once we are entrenched it is very hard to make a change. Even changing from working from home to going back into the office has big psychological and physical consequences. I think we all can imagine how difficult it is to abandon our career in order to choose something else.
Certainly I would never have been able to leave my job if I didn’t live a frugal lifestyle. I understand that I need years to become financially successful. I planned for this by building a nest egg. My nest egg was built by making choices. The choices I made were and are-
Being mindful about purchases.
Consolidate driving when running errands to save on gas.
Refurbish and reuse whenever possible.
Avoid bolstering my ego with stuff.
Find free entertainment by reading books, or streaming video from my local library.
Cook my meals at home and avoid unhealthy take out.
Take care of my mental health with walks and meditation.
Take care of my physical health by exercising and eating well.
Make sure my car is well maintained to avoid expensive breakdowns.
By following these practices I can make sure I have flexibility to make big choices in my life. This is the second time I’ve left my well paying job in midlife. The first time I traveled the world, including the visit to Egypt I mentioned earlier. This time leaving my job is permanent. I plan to earn differently than I used to. It takes time to build a career, now as a mature person I have the skills and patience to achieve this.
If you want to learn more about my journey and my ideas about paying off a debt and living a frugal life style you can pre-order my book “Never Worry About Money Again: Gain Financial Freedom by Becoming Better at Managing the Money You Have” due out in print and eBook in February 2023. If you aren’t ready to commit to reading my book keep learning more about my experience, and how you can become a ‘frugalite’. You can subscribe to my blog below, or check out my podcast Paige Power on Spotify, you can also click the link on my website.
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